Musing, Religion



Once upon a time around, oh somewhere between 5700 and 10,000 years ago in a place called Paradise, which is somewhere over the rainbow, there lived this really old guy with white hair and beard. Now the story goes that this old guy was really bored out of his gourd, like really bored, so one day, I think it was a Tuesday, he thought “you know I really should do something, but I haven’t a clue what it should be.” For some time he had been half-assed thinking about making something, you know, something different so he set about to tinkering. The first thing he came up with was something he called “The Void”. And he thought to himself “Hey, that’s not bad”, but, wait half a sec, the damn thing is just a big black empty nothing. Holy Crap! Speaking of which, back in a mo. All that humming and hawing, grunting, and groaning and I end up with a great big black nothing. Now what?


As the old guy sat there pondering his next move he thought you know maybe I should invent light but then what is light. He thought for a while and came to the conclusion that light was opposite of dark. So he said to himself let’s have some light on the subject and lo and behold he now had a big void that he could see a lot better. Of course after a few seconds he realized that it still had nothing in it. While he sat there pondering a solution he absent mindedly began to play with the light switch flipping it back and forth going from light to dark. He soon realized how cool that looked so he said let’s call the light day and the dark night and while I’m at it I’ll invent a timer so that they swap off every 12 hours or so. The old guy had come up with the first but rather simplistic light show in creation. Still, though that’s all he had, the void was still just that a void. Now if you are a Creationist and have read the Bible, especially Genesis you are going to love what comes next in the fairy tale. After the void bit it starts to get really good.


Being a very elderly gentleman the old guy didn’t really have control over all his bodily function and whilst thinking on his next innovation his bladder let go. After a few seconds he realized what had happened and looked down to see that the effluence had practically filled the void. Seeing the mess he had made he grabbed the bag of kitty litter (don’t ask, it’s a fairy tale and anything is possible) to soak it up. Well the bag of litter wasn’t big enough so it only soaked up some of the water leaving clumps of sodden litter here and there. He had inadvertently separated the water from the firmament and he thought it looked pretty good, big puddles of water separated by clumps of what later was called land. Even after all this, he still had the same problem though, it was empty and feeling his age decided to take a nap. Now being somewhat long in the tooth the old guy snored and when he did everything around went through enormous seismic upheavals. Even the void was shaken to its’ foundations which in turn shook the firmament which in turn shifted the continents, raised mountains and lowered valleys. His snoring even tore holes in the fabric of the void letting part of the light peek through giving us the stars. Anyway the old guy is napping and it is difficult to say how long it lasted. After all when you are the Supreme Being you can pretty well do what you want because as the saying goes “you don’t want to piss God off as he has a real nasty temper” just ask his number one hit man Lucifer, but that is another story for another time. So this is the end of the beginning. Stay tuned for the creation of life.



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