Companionship is defined in the CDN. Oxford Dictionary as good fellowship; friendship. Before I get into the meat of this blog I wish to state that what I am writing about concerns no one individual and it is a bit of a self-critique. It is merely some of my observations on Companionship.
I am now at the halfway point of my 73rd year and the fires of love although not entirely extinguished are banked embers, slowly smouldering. In days long gone and but memories I loved deeply three women. Twice in my early 20s and the last whom I married at age 27. Thirteen years and two daughters later the marriage ended. It was then I swore to myself that I would never love deeply again. Now I just enjoy the company and companionship of the ladies. I have always preferred female company to that of males. I guess it is because I feel more comfortable around women I know where I don’t have to act like I am some kind of macho hero. I am beyond having to prove myself to anyone I am me and what you see is what you get. What you get is a short, fat, balding ugly old fart that wears glasses and hearing aids (which he conveniently forgets to wear) and can laugh at himself. I am intelligent and sometimes I think people feel that I am a know it all. Believe me I am not I just got a weird ability to remember a lot of things from the past and from what I have experienced or read. Anyway enough of my self-indulgence.
This is about companionship. It is a very good feeling to have people in your life that you can call friends. People you can talk to, laugh with or to just sit there either quietly or watching a movie on TV knowing that there is someone nearby. The human species is a societal one with families, clans, tribes, and nations. We need the companionship of others so we can draw comfort and support when needed. Companionship does not necessarily mean romance but it does mean a certain closeness that forms between friends. I enjoy the company of the companions I have and yes I know at times I might upset one or more of them because without really realizing it I can be insensitive at times. Don’t mean to be it just sort of slips out. Others I have known through my life time to date have mentioned that at times. It usually boils down to speaking before my brain is in gear.
I have mentioned to some people how my mind never really seems to shut down. No matter what I’m doing my mind is racing around harvesting bits and pieces of memories long past. Things I have seen, heard, read, or even done cropped up at the weirdest of times. There are times when I can become quite impatient with people and I have to make a concentrated effort to control it. I am sure at times this can be somewhat disconcerting to my companion or companions. I have in the past month or so upset one of my friends twice and for that I am truly sorry as it was not my intention to do so. Here again it is a case of speaking without thinking or as in one case writing without thinking it through. I am making no excuse for this as I deserved the anger that my friend felt toward me on those occasions.
Here in the warehouse I have a few companions and friends and I will admit it would be rather lonely without them and although at times I relish being alone I do not like the idea of never having companions. A hermit I am not nor do I intend to be one. So here on a Sunday afternoon as I sit closing this I will admit that there at time the wish that the embers would burst into flame and I could perhaps love someone deeply as in the past. Alas, methinks that this might never be.